


I have a Question

by Vamphile



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Fluff, No Slash, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-08-26
Updated: 2005-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-26 19:45:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12065772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vamphile/pseuds/Vamphile
Summary: Brian shows up at Comicon to help promote Rage, but doesn't realize that the panel is actually about QAF and the entire audience knows all about him





	I have a Question

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Follow me on this one.  
Brian agrees to sit at a panel at Comicon to promote Rage, but what he doesn’t know is that QAF exists and the whole world knows his story for the past five years.

Here are their questions and his answers.

 

QAF SHIPPER = QS  
Brian = B

* * *

QS: So, when why didn’t you just tell Justin that you didn’t want him to go in episode 1-22  
B: Episode what?  
QS: When Justin left, at the Rage party, why didn’t you just ask him to stay?  
B: He wanted pretty words, I won’t do that, he had a right to leave  
QS: But you wanted him to stay, so why didn’t you just tell him that  
B: I don’t ask people to do things that I want, if it’s not what they want

NEXT?

QS: Okay, when it’s Justin's 18th birthday and he doesn’t know how to tie a tie, didn’t you wonder, even a little how he managed to get through four years at St. James academy wearing a tie every day?  
B: no, I guess I should have, he’s a sneaky bastard

NEXT?

QS: so when you or Justin pour water all over yourselves in the kitchen after clubbing… doesn’t that like, mess up your hard wood floors?  
B: They’re treated with diamond hard Verithane, plus I have a maid in twice a week so no.

NEXT?

QS: You get stoned a lot, how much do you spend on weed, and have we ever actually seen you not stoned  
B: I’m often not stoned, I’m rarely stoned at work, and I have no idea what I spend on weed, asks Theodore, he’s my accountant.

NEXT?

QS: So it’s really obvious that you can’t live without Justin, why don’t you ever tell him that?

B: I can live just fine without Justin.  
QS: but when he leaves in the end of season two…I mean, when he leaves after the rage party, we see you and you’re a mess for weeks, you end up punching Mikey and becoming a fall down drunk. 

And when he gets bashed in the end of erm… I mean after the prom, you go to see him every night, and all day long you’re drunk or stoned, and you look like shit.

And then erm…when you’re trying to figure out what to do in season five and he leaves again you fall apart and blame Mikey. And you’re never all that happy the whole time he’s in L.A. so, if you can live without him, howwcum every time he leaves you fall apart.

B: Vicious glare that makes the QS sit down and shut up… I am fine with or without Justin, I just prefer Justin be around.

NEXT:

QS: Okay, so how much is the loft worth, cause you’re constantly talking about selling it, but then when you do the pool boy thing you say that the 50K will pay off the loft, so how can it be a major expense in se... erm, after the stockwell incident if you already own it outright?

B: It’s expensive to heat that place, and Pittsburgh gets cold, the ceilings are really high.

And a follow up… How often do you redecorate?

B: whenever I feel like it. I like new things

NEXT:

QS: So, when Justin was almost raped by Sap, when he was at that party, and he was gonna put the kid in a sling, why didn’t you ever confront Sap about that?

B: WHAT? When was this?!?

QS: that same night he came home and you let him top you, he was at that party, and sap and his friends were trying to put him in a sling but he fought his way out and came home, that was the night you guys were in jail because Mikey was pissed that his mom was dating Horvath.

B: I’m going to have to find the Sap and kill him, I appreciate the information.

NEXT?

QS: So more on Justin working at Babylon, when sap was giving him that “pretty white powder” that was cocaine right? And you are often snorting something that isn’t poppers, so…is it coke or is it crank, cause if it’s crank, then why is everyone so freaked out when Ted and Emmet do crystal?

B: my using coke is completely different from anyone else on the planet using it, because I’m me, and I can do shit like that and still be this pretty. Justin was verging on becoming a tweaked out go-go dancer instead of a kid in school, I had a preference there. And as for the crystal thing, Ted is a pussy who can’t handle his drugs, never has been able to, so he became a crystal queen, not just a casual user, it’s more a Ted thing than a drug thing.

QS: follow up, Mikey tells Emmet he’s never done crystal, is that true?

B: How the fuck would I know, I don’t follow Mikey around and test his piss, if he said he never did it, he never did it. Mikey likes E, and to get drunk, oh and stoned, Mikey is great to sit around and smoke pot with.

NEXT:

QS: why didn’t you ever just fuck Mikey and give him what he wanted

B: I need him in my life, [shrug] I fuck him, he’ll leave that’s how that goes. Can’t have him leaving

QS: Follow up: But you screwed him over in seaso… erm, at his birthday party so that he would leave

B: Just cause I need him, doesn’t mean I’ll let him throw his life away. My job is to make sure my friends are happy.

NEXT:

QS: Okay, important point, Your job is to make sure your friends are happy…you say that and you do stuff all the time to make them happy, does it ever piss you off that they all still kind of think you’re a pathetic asshole?

B: No, I’d have sappy sentimental bullshit coming out my ears if they ever knew how much I did for them.

NEXT:

QS: So you and Lindsey met in college, and slept together a couple of times…what college?

B: We both went to Pitt; people keep saying we went to Penn, which is in fucking Philadelphia 5 and half hours away, or Penn State, Like I’d go to that loser school, which is also two hours out of Pittsburgh. Nope we both went to Pitt, she has an MFA, I have a Degree in Marketing/Communications and MBA from Carnegie Mellon.

NEXT:

QS: So how come most of the times you have sex on your bed it’s across the bed not up and down?

B: That puts the wet spot in the middle, it’s easier to avoid

NEXT:

QS: Why don’t you wear shoes inside your loft?

B: I have pretty feet

NEXT:

QS: You’re very pretty, but there are people who think Justin is prettier, what do you have to say to those people

B: Justin is very pretty, but I’m prettier, because I’m sexier, and I’m Brian Kinney for Fucks Sake.

NEXT:

QS: Yeah you give Justin a big “never let anyone fuck you without a condom” lecture and you are Mr. Responsibility when it comes to fucking, but people blow you and you blow Justin and he blows you without a condom all the time which is just as unsafe, what’s up with that?

B: I like the feel of the roof of a mouth on my bare cock, so if I’m not sticking it in your mouth, it’s none of your business.

NEXT:

QS: on the safe sex topic, when Mikey was playing with Bens used needle because he wanted to be positive so they’d have more in common, the odds of him actually getting sick from that are practically nil based on how long the virus lives outside the body etc… so what was the big deal?

B: MIKEY DID WHAT? WHEN THE FUCK WAS THIS? 

QS: this was when Ben was using steroids and being an asshole and Mikey wanted to feel closer to him.

B: Okay, I now have to kill Sap and beat the shit out of Mikey…is there anything else I should know about my own life?

QS: Mikey knows you wore that scarf the whole time Justin was in the hospital.

B: Well that’s just fucking great.

NEXT:

QS: After all this time, are you ever gonna tell Justin you were there every night at the hospital.

B: It’s ancient History. 

QS: But wouldn’t it…

B: It wouldn’t do anything

NEXT: 

QS: So was it even a little creepy that you called him sonny boy and then fucked him, I mean the father thing mixed with the sex thing, was that ever a weird line for you?

B: No, I was teaching him, helping him, and then, I mean you should see him naked, I mean really, you can’t help but want him. He’s Hot.

NEXT:

QS: So, do you love Justin?

B: I’m sorry that’s all the time I have for questions right now.

Goodbye.


End file.
